Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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