Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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