chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
