we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
