I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
