He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
