dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i think my cat just said my name.
The power of my boobs compel you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
