They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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