Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
