if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
