I have demons in me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
