Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
