The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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