All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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