I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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