Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
