Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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