She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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