Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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