while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
