my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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