tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
