If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
