Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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