how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
