how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize