Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
