We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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