I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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