i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Girls should come with a carfax report
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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