Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
