I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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