she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
