oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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