just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You took a bar mat shot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
