I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
