everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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