Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize