420 ftw
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
