i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
