I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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