smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
