I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
