I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
