I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
