So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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