Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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