its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
