I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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