wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
