Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
