Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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