I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
