I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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