I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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