i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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