I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
