I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
