I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
