dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
