Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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