There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
