i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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