His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
