I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
