in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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