Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
