You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
