Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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