so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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