You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
