Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
