i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize