So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
