I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I didn't notice because vodka
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
