ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
