I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My liver just had a heart attack.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
