I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
