The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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