Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
not ubering you a puppy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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